


True Strength

by Fallen_Ark_Angel



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_Ark_Angel/pseuds/Fallen_Ark_Angel
Summary: Be a strong girl, Mirajane. Even when no one else can be.





	True Strength

She didn't remember it too well, Mirajane didn't, when her brother was born. She'd have only been two at the time, after all. In another year or so, when her sister was born, she did have some residual memories from that though.

They didn't grow up in a nice area, the Strauss siblings didn't. It was a rather rural, rundown community that at times felt like a haven for young children, with all the things to explore and adventures to have, but also could feel like a prison when the harsh realities of life started to bog down on you. This was true when Mirajane's mother gave birth for the last time in their tiny shake. Ill-prepared and under far more stress than times before, things get messy quick. The village had just recently lost their own doctor to an illness that had swept local villages of late and the one from the two over was still on his way so, when the contractions started, those who were willing to help the woman were on their own.

Mirajane remembered being scared, most of all, and the smell of sweat and blood that twinged the air. There was a lot of yelling and her mother was screaming and her baby brother was screaming too, out of his own fear no doubt, and their papa was yelling that someone should take the kids somewhere else, anywhere else, and though they did take Elfman out, Mirajane stayed hidden behind the a piece of furniture where, through slits in her fingers, she watched the horrifically beautiful act of childbirth first hand.

It felt like forever before things were calm again.

Once they were though, Mirajane came out of hiding and, at her mother's beckoning, came to the bedside where she was had a disgusting looking…human thing wrapped up in blankets that was the last thing wailing.

"This," her mother told her tiredly, "is your sister."

Mira didn't believe her. She didn't believe that...that could possibly be another human.

Still, the three year old reached down at the child and, when the newborn grabbed her finger, she knew.

She just knew.

The next few days were a bit frightening, still, as her mother seemed unwell after giving birth and her sister not much better. After a few weeks though without any death visiting the tiny shack, they all mostly felt in the clear.

And her sister, once cleaned up, looked a lot more like what a baby should. Still smelly and not at all enjoyable, but again, what a baby should be. It was one of those days as Mirajane was busy helping her mother, who was still recovering it seemed, calm the whiny baby down for fear she'd set off tears from Elfman as well (he was the biggest baby of all), that a question was posed the three year old had yet to think of.

"What," her mother yawned softly as, finally, the child fell silent, "do you think we should name her? Mira?"

The child didn't know. All the names she knew came from those in town and her little sister couldn't share a name with someone in the village, could she?

She thought about it the whole day. She was sure her mother did as well. It was only once Papa returned and they sat down to what amounted to some hot water with a potato chopped in it that her mother decided.

"I like the name Suzanna," she told her husband as she walked around the tiny space, nursing the new baby while Elfman snoozed on the small pallet he and Mirajane shared. His older sister was sitting with their father, as she always did when he returned home from his long days out in the field, both eating from the same bowl as they sat before the fire place on the cold wooden flooring. "Don't you?"

But before Papa respond, Mirajane was already trying her hand at the name.

Mouth full of what she thought of back then as soup, she slurred quite heavily, "Lizz-ana."

"I think," Papa said as her mother giggled at the sound, staring with tired eyes over at her oldest, "that I like that much better, Mirajane. Lisanna."

"Lizz-ana."

"Mmmhmm," her mother chuckled softly before looking down at the baby in her arms, hardly any tufts of white hair to be seen yet, but soon, very soon, they would be. "Lisanna."

Mirajane quickly fell just as in love with having a little sister as she did a little brother. This wasn't to say it wasn't annoying at times. Because of course it was. When one was sobbing inconsolably, triggering the other to do the same, and she wanted to join in, because she was hardly any older, but no, Mira. You know better. You have to be a big girl. You have to help.

No, Mirajane. You can't yell at them. Lisanna and Elfman. They're just too little. They don't understand. You have to use nice voices. You have to take care of them, you know? They're your babies too. Aren't they? And yes, Elfman does break all of your very few and very dear toys, but he doesn't mean to. He's just too rough because he's a boy. But you're a big girl, aren't you? A big girl? So can't you help clean up after Lisanna? She's just too small to keep up with all her duties. Chores. She's too small for most things. So hold her hand tight when you go exploring, okay? But you have to be back, very soon, because mother's sick and you have to help make dinner and take care of the house and Papa appreciates it so much, how big you've been about all of this. About helping the younger two understand that, yes, Mama's underground now, but she's in all of you, as well, and watches above you, bright in the night sky. You're such a smart, strong girl, Janie, and Papa's so sorry that he's so sick now and you're so good to find food for them all and he wishes that he could help you, but… But Mirajane, please, just always look after them, alright? Lisanna and Elfman, they're not as strong as you. How could they be? You're such a big girl now and Papa's so sorry that this has happened to you, he wanted so much for you, but now all he wants from you is to always keep the three of you together. Love each other. It's what your mother would have wanted. You're stronger than you know. Just know that one day, you and Papa, you'll see one another again and Mama will be there and it'll be better then. But for now, just be strong.

Even when no one else can be.

So Mirajane swallowed her tears and her anger and her resentment and pushed on, through every stupid thing that happened. That's how she felt it was, back then. All so stupid. Worthless. Useless.

But she pushed through it because she had to. If it was just her, in that little shack, she might have given up. She might have succumbed to despair over her parents. She might have thrown herself off a cliff when that demon consumed her soul. And let that one day be that day.

But she couldn't do that.

It was her job to care for Elfman and Lisanna. So she did it. Every time it felt like it would be easier to just walk away, to just leave the two of them somewhere, somewhere where they could make a way on their own, she just…

She didn't have her mother or father anymore. But she did still have Elfman and Lisanna. And they had her.

Forever.

Until…

When her mother died, she thought she'd never be happy again. But she was. When her father died, she thought she could never hurt like that again. But she did. And as she watched Lisanna dissipate to magical dust, a hole formed inside of her that no demon, no happiness, no possible thing on earth could ever fill took over Mirajane and she just a shell for so long. Even when she at least recovered enough to care for herself, she never forgave herself for what she did to Elfman. The position she put him in. What she allowed to happen. That when it came down to it and things were all over that she wasn't strong enough to bring him any true comfort. That she let him think, even for a single moment, that he might blame him for what happened.

No matter how many fake smiles and drinks she served, nothing ever took that away. That guilt. That pain. She lived after her parents deaths for her siblings, but after Lisanna's death, she felt like she was hardly living at all sometimes. It was story, anyways. The tragic death of her sister allowed her to unlock another side of herself. Take a new appreciate for life.

But it never felt true.

Because it didn't matter how happy she appeared. How she channeled her pain through her music. How she was happy just to see other in the hall happy.

Every night she went home back to the tiny house she'd bought for her and her siblings when she was still a functioning S-Class wizard, and just crashed into a bed where she sobbed silently and regretted every single thing she'd ever done.

Mirajane could transform into anything. Anyone. Even a happy person. But, as with all magic, the illusion fades and the sad reality sets in.

A part of her met the same tragic fate as her sister that fateful night and nothing would ever take it away.

As she and Elfman stood out there though, in the pouring rain, staring down at the headstone in the church's graveyard, everything just came rushing back, harder even then it did late at night when she couldn't sleep and she replayed every damn decision she'd ever made in her mind.

She actually thought that she was going out of her mind there for a second. For a long few seconds, actually when the sound of her being called out to led to her turning and seeing her. There. She felt so many things at once, but mostly her chest got tight and she thought that she was either seeing things or had fainted, perhaps. But as her hands came up to her mouth and Elfman dropped the umbrella, allowing rain to fall gently atop both their heads, she just didn't care.

If this was an illusion, she would ride it until the magic died because she'd never experienced anything close to it. The second Lisanna was close enough and throwing her arms around her, Mirajane crumbled, the tears falling down her face intermingling with the raindrops trickling down her cheeks and if this was it, if something had happened and she'd died in that moment, then she wished she'd died soon because happiness like that didn't exist in real life.

Did it?

That night, as they went back to the guildhall and everyone seemed so happy to see Lisanna, Mirajane never let her out of her sight. She refused to. She wanted her right there. Forever. Beside her. So she wouldn't get lost ever again.

She promised she'd never get lost again. Even if she had to hold her hand tightly and keep her close when they went out to explore, Mirajane would never lose her sister again.

When they finally went home and it was just the three of them and she and Elfman truly heard from her sister all that had gone on, Mirajane found herself lost in a sea of emotions. That it could have all been reversed. Done away with. That she could have possibly wound up with the Edolas Lisanna who secretly had to pine for home, and she mourned for the side of herself that she would never know that now was experiencing all over again the original pain they both shared, was heartbreaking to Mirajane.

But…

"I have you again," was all she sighed to Lisanna that first night they all spent in their house together, under one roof. Elfman had passed out on the couch, but Mira and her sister found themselves in the former's bedroom, where they'd been giggle and gossiping and they were both so different. Yet the same. When Lisanna finally took to resting, curled up in her older sister's bed, Mirajane only gently stroked her similar soft white locks and thought of her parents, still alone up there, just with each other, and prayed that that one day, when they'd all be together again, wouldn't be too soon for her, but not too long for them. "And I'm never letting you go."

 


End file.
